Going to visit my folks for the holidays is going to be great, don’t get me wrong, but going away for the holidays is also making like more complicated than it needs to be. Or is it that my normal levels of procrastination doing that? Or is it both?

As we get ready to head to Texas and celebrate Christmas with family, I am also in the process of:

• writing up 2 manuscripts,
• trying to put together a grant proposal
• finishing my plan of study
• studying for the General Exams (that will be coming as soon as I submit my plan of study)
• doing quality assurance on the video analysis that my interns did on the Crepidula project
• beginning work on the next set of ScienceDecks.com playing cards

Obviously this will be a working vacation. Gotta make sure that I have all the data files and GIS layers I need on the laptop, on an external drive and uploaded to Dropbox. All of the relevant reference papers are also going up to both Dropbox and Mendeley as well as being on the laptop.

Part of me is screaming to leave it all behind and just enjoy the next week or so with my family, but the realities of deadlines dictate otherwise. Still, I will be limiting myself to only 2-3 hours of focused work per day. 1-2 hours or so right after coffee and the balance right before bed. Maybe a bit of small task type editing during the inevitable downtime during the day when we’re between doing other things.

Edit: See SciCurius’ post on similar issue – Do you love Science? Well, that depends, do you like sleep?

One of the things I have to keep coming back to is “What do I want to be when I grow up”

But that has never been a simple question. When I was young I wanted to be a scientist and an explorer. I was excited and my imagination ignited by archeology, marine biology and the space program. I devoured national geographic magazines, Wild Kingdom and Jaques Cousteau’s specials. I remember reading and re-reading the articles by Dr. Eugenie Scott on the amazing fish of the Red Sea and sharks in general. I remember reading about Dr. Sylvia Earle’s descent to 1250m in a hard suit and her Tektite mission. I know it may sound crazy, but one of the highlights of my brief science career so far was to dive on the Aquarius site as a science diver… the descendant of Tektite, it was, part way to an old dream come true – to live and work in an underwater habitat studying the seas for hours and hours at a time. One day I still hope to make that dream come true.

Science diver approaching the NOAA/UNCW Aquarius Habitat off Key Largo, Florida

But my path took a strange turn and instead of going to Woods Hole or Scripts or Harbor Branch, I ended up in the Army working as an advanced communications specialist using, trouble shooting and fixing just about every type of communication technology in the Army, but specializing in satellite systems. It could be a challenging job, especially in remote combat deployments, but it really didn’t make me stretch. I spent my spare time reading and improving my animation skills as a form of entertainment. In Central America I learned to scuba dive and spent as much time on Roatan Island as I could, doing 3-4 dives a day. The more I dove, the more I needed to learn about the fish and invertebrates I was seeing. I subscribed to several diving magazines and bought every marine biology book my scuba instructor could get from the States. I invited my future wife to meet me in Roatan, unfortunately she declined.

Sunset on the Meso-American Reef. Copyright E. Heupel

After the army I worked in the computer industry in engineering and eventually web development until the bubble burst. When that happened I returned to school, studying computer systems and graphic design. Unfortunately returning to school also revealed that I had a memory issue. Tammy knew before, but I denied it of course. Unfortunately the tricks I had learned to use on the job, didn’t translate well to the academic environment. I struggled to find a new way of learning and studying, while my grades sank, eventually forcing me to admit defeat temporarily as I withdrew from school.

Fast forward to five years ago when I took advantage of an opportunity to again return to school. This time in Oceanography. I had since learned to deal with my memory issues with new strategies. I started slow, with only two classes, but soon took on a full course load completing the four year degree in three and a half years with a job, a family and still managed a 3.5 GPA. My old skills in electronics, optics, video production and web design all served me well working in labs and earning me opportunities to work with Remotely Operated Vehicles. At the end of undergraduate I knew I needed to take this further, I needed to revisit my old dream of being a scientist working in, on and under the ocean.

The motley crew of the SHRMP 2010 habitat monitoring program mission. Copyright E. Heupel

I was accepted to the graduate program and began learning more about sustainable fisheries and GIS than I thought was possible to learn (and yet I have still only learned a spall portion) . It has been a good run, but now it is almost over. I want to go on further, but I know I need a change in direction. My interests lay more with larval and juvenile marine organisms and their ecosystem roles (besides the stock answer I get from many: “as food” – too damn easy), or in the ecology of deep sea and mangroves and with invasive species in connection to any of the previous. I have at least a hundred questions banging around in my head, and I am loathe to even try to pick only one and say -> This is it.

One of my favorite fish of the mangroves is the juvenile sergeant major. Very cute, shy and nervous - darting constantly around the patch of mangrove they call home. Copyright E. Heupel

More than that there is the question of what good is a PhD, and is the cost too high to justify. I have put my family through a lot already. It has been financially very hard, and we have done without a lot. I have been fortunate that this program knows me, and knows the type of contribution I can make, and also understands that my family is the most important thing in my life. I will never be one of those scientists (or PhD students) so driven by the research that I sacrifice my family (which I have seem too much of in the past 5 years). Driven yes. If I had a spare $10,000 right now I would be on a plane to Belize to chase down one of my burning questions on invasive species and My Seascape of Fear (actually budgeted with no salary it a hair over 10,000). But I’m not going to throw my family under the bus to get there.

Which brings it once again back to what I want to do with the degree. I would like to be able to design and conduct my own research, which I would need a PhD for. I enjoy teaching small to medium size classes, as long as there is at least one or two kids turned on to learning. At a University or college a PhD is generally the ticket for admission to that. At community colleges, a PhD can be required, or a hinderance.

As for the most singlehandedly enjoyable thing I have done in the past 5 years – it would be the outreach efforts at Aquarius. Doing the science, putting on a live show, broadcasting it to kids in their classrooms and online – both doing science and helping to communicate it to a larger audience. That was for me a real rush. Many of the people involved in that team effort did not have PhD’s, but then again many did. I enjoyed the fact that we were communicating conservation, physics and biology directly and passionately to an audience eager to learn.

The marvelous crew of the Aquarius 2010 If Reefs Could Talk mission. Copyright E. Heupel

If I stopped right now, my ideal job, would be either as a freelance science communicator specializing in video and online production or it would be with one of the NURC centers or a similar scientific research organization or NGO where I can put my myriad skills to work – oceanography, diver, science outreach, video, animation, web, database, photography (normal and U/W) and ROV pilot (in training right now). But… likely I would not be able to do my own research, which is important to me.

If I were 23 and single, the answer for me would be easy – go for the PhD and study larval and juvenile ecology issues, especially in the mangroves and deep sea. But I’m not 23, or single. And I wouldn’t trade my family for anything, but it does mean I need to figure the 4-6 years of making (if I’m lucky) $30,000/yr while working very long hours into the equation.

The editor said that if they felt they could use it, they would publish it. Unfortunately, this time they couldn’t fit it into the magazine. Understandably, Johann was very disappointed, but it’s still an excellent poem. Since many of you have heard us talking about it, we thought you’d like to read it and judge for yourselves. I’m hoping Johann will keep trying with new writings and have better luck next time.

The Oak
by Johann Heupel

Night, the dead of night.
The owl hoots from his high perch on the pine.
There is the oak.
He is the oldest tree in these woods.
“Who made these woods?” you ask.
The oak will tell you.
He knows 2,000 years of history and more.
He will tell you no man owns these woods.
The woods are free – free as the nightingale.
And that is the secret of life.

Croak! Says the Sea Robin
Originally uploaded by eclectic echoes.

Searobin

     by Johann Heupel

A view over the valleys to Pico and Killington from near the top of Okemo.

One of the smaller falls that make up Buttermilk Falls.

This male white admiral was determined to get all the minerals he could from a boulder just below one of the falls.

A beautiful set of falls not too far into the trail.

Petite in white.

Thanks to the generosity of Aunt Sharlene and Jane, our friend at the bookstore, we just came back from our first family vacation to Ludlow, Vermont! Jane has a place in Ludlow that she let us use and Aunt Sharlene gave Eric a graduation gift that helped us pay for the rest of the trip. Thank goodness we didn’t have to cancel it.

The day before we planned to leave we had a terrible storm. Four inches of rain fell in two hours. I was out driving in it. I was on my way to pick up Eric from work and then continue on to meet our friends at the bowling alley, so that the kids could still have their play date. The car got hit by a river of water coming down the hill, which washed away the patches on the side of the road. They had to repave that section of road afterward. Somehow the torrent of water caused the serpentine fan belt to slip off without breaking.

I managed to get to Avery Point with failing steering and fewer and fewer things on the car functioning. The car died right in front of Eric’s building. Once they found the problem, Eric and a friend at Avery Point muscled the fan belt back on. We left the car running to re-charge the battery, so the car would start the next day. Then the battery on Eric’s iphone died and he had to reinstall everything on it. That delayed our departure by 3 hours, but finally we made it up there.

I didn’t realize how much we needed a family vacation until we had one. It’s taken us a week to readjust to life back in Connecticut. It was so wonderful for the three of us to get away, even if it was only for a week. We had such a good time we wish we were still there!

We toodled around Ludlow, went to the Farmer’s Market and the Fletcher Farm School for the Arts and Crafts craft show, found the Green Mountain Sugar House with their maple creemees and other goodies, swam in the pool, and just generally relaxed. Someone asked us what we planned to do on our vacation and we all answered in unison, “Relax!”

We went window shopping in an antique store, found a great book, The Earth is My Mother by Bev Doolittle and Elise Maclay, at the independent bookstore Misty Valley Books, and saw the Hugging Bear Inn and Shoppe in Chester. Every room in the inn has teddy bears in it. I think we spent an hour in the teddy bear shop playing with all the stuffed animals and hand puppets. We got Johann the Folkmanis Shark puppet.

We went hiking on the trails near and on Okemo Mountain. The car brakes were smoking on the descent from Okemo Mountain, so we went to a less steep parking lot to access the hiking trails on our second trip to the mountain! Johann and Eric took some wonderful photographs during our treks. We all refueled our spirits in the beauty of the forest.

Before we left Vermont we made one last stop at Green Mountain Sugar House so Eric and Johann could get one more maple creeme ice cream cone and then we drove up to the Montshire Museum of Science. We spent two hours playing with all the wonderful hands-on exhibits and we still didn’t see everything. The please touch displays covered liquid viscosity, air pressure, zoetropes, cams, gears, pulleys, and circuits found in toys, changing ecology, water current patterns, and more. We want to go back to do the outdoor activities and walk the paths they have mapped out around the museum building. Rain kept us inside the day that we went.

We found a wonderful yarn shop called Six Loose Ladies. They are a non-profit organization that is the retail arm of Fiber Arts in Vermont, Inc. They have classes on all different fiber arts and promote the products of local artists, including pottery, jewelry, needle felting, and hand-knitted items. All the ladies we met were so welcoming and accepting, which is in stark contrast to our daily existence in Mystic. One woman is an Air Force brat like me and Eric. We instantly connected with her and we all shared where we’d been. We talked about the itchy-feet syndrome.

She said renting was better because it was easy to move if you didn’t like the people you are living near. I look at her and wish we had a house where we could to put down roots. She takes trips to get rid of her itch. I dream about where we’ll be next. We mentioned how we’d love Vermont, even if it wasn’t by the ocean. She said we’d get tired of Vermont too. Maybe she’s right. Eventually we always want to move on. But I got tired of Connecticut in less than two years. People in Vermont care so much more about the environment, the mountains are so beautiful, the people are generally friendlier, and they are much better and more polite about hiding their surprise that Eric is my husband and not my father. Even if we did tire of Vermont, I think it would take much longer for that to happen!

Then 500 feet before the exit for the museum our right rear tire blew out. Isn’t that funny? Twenty minutes later, Eric was able to get the spare tire off from the underside of the car. The mechanism that held the tire in place froze up and Eric couldn’t get the tire off. I didn’t expect anyone to stop and help us, but I did find it highly annoying that people kept honking at us and making wow–it–stinks–to–be–you faces as they drove by.

Eric got the old tire off by jumping on top of the lug wrench for each lug nut and got the spare on. The spare tire looked a little flat, but we thought we might at least make it to the museum on it. Wrong! The spare tire completely separated from the rim when we tried to drive away. Eric announced that we are getting cell phones as soon as we get home.

By this time we had been stranded on the side of the road at least 40 minutes. The only police car we saw on the road in that time passed us by. Wasn’t that nice? So we decided to hoof it. We walked down the slope of the exit behind us and found a tile company showroom. The ladies in there were extremely nice in letting us use the phone and the bathroom. They even offered us drinks and we took them up on a bottle of water. We called USAA roadside assistance. Thank goodness we had them to call!

We’ve never had to use the roadside assistance before. USAA is the best! They helped us find the nearest towing and tire places, called the towing company and told them where we were, and called a taxi for us. Eric went to the nearest ATM so we’d have cash for the taxi. Johann and I went to the museum. Eric waited with the car and met up with us at the museum later.

I’m so proud of Eric. The tow truck driver was smoking on the ride to the tire place. Pairing that with the stressful events of the day, Eric was the most tempted to bum a cigarette then than in any other moment since he quit smoking two and a half years ago and he didn’t. He waited nearly an hour for the tow truck and made the 15 minute ride to the tire place in heavy traffic. Once Eric paid for new tires and learned it would be a three hour wait, he got the mechanics to look up a taxi service, which they grudgingly did, and came to the museum.

Johann and I had already gone over everything we wanted to see and had done some shopping in the museum store. The third floor had a section on minerals and gems, an Egyptian exhibit with two mummies, dioramas with taxidermy animals native to Connecticut, and the Earth and Space section. We went back into the Darwin exhibit to make a few sketches of some of the skeletons there and watched the short film on Darwin, Dana, and Marsh again at the entrance of the exhibit. By 3:30 P.M., we were getting tired and hungry, so we decided to go sit in the Great Hall and wait for Eric. A few minutes later we saw him on the second floor looking down on us from the Discovery Room!

Johann and I pulled Eric in different directions to show and share with him everything he had missed while we were at the museum. Eric was a good sport, took some pictures, and walked around with us. Johann wasn’t truly excited or happy about our trip to the museum until Daddy was there. Except for the few times we got lost in what we saw and read about in the sections of the museum that were new to us, I was distracted with worry too.

Once we had made the rounds the second time with Eric, we walked to the nearest restaurant and got sandwiches and ice cream. The waitress kindly dialed the number of the cab service we’d used before. I was a little concerned when I noticed smoke from the engine coming out of the air vents. Somehow the taxi got us there. We got back to the tire place 10 minutes before they closed. The car was already repaired and waiting. The mechanic saw us come up and he met us at the door with Eric’s car keys. A day that could have been a total disaster turned out pretty well. So we took the scenic route to get to the museum. Thankfully, the rain stopped BEFORE the car broke down!

Torosaurus latus bronze in front of the Yale Peabody Museum

Johann studying and sketching part of the Darwin Exhibit on evolution while Tammy studies the exhibit on Dana.

Johann and Tammy discussing Hesperonis crassipes

Johann was fascinated by the Hesperonis crassipes skeleton.

Another favorite, Moeritherium, a prehistoric mammal that Johann identifies almost as a friend.

Alas Poor Erectus…

Normally cold, rainy days are so dreary, but not when you get to go to the Yale Peabody Museum of Natural History! We desperately needed a family science immersion day to rejuvenate! Eric took the day off. I had hoped to get some yard work done, but that wasn’t going to happen with the rain. So we decided to buy membership to the Yale Peabody Museum and go. They have a reciprocity agreement with a lot of other science museums and centers. We have plans to go to all the ones we are interested in while we are still on the East Coast, especially the Museum of Science in Boston, so we now have two years to take advantage of the membership benefits.

At the Yale Peabody Museum there are three floors, but we only managed to cover the first floor, the Discovery Room for children on the second floor, and the gift shop in the four hours we were there. We will go back to see the third floor and view the Darwin exhibit again before it comes down August 23. Johann didn’t want to validate the parking ticket so that we couldn’t get the car out of the parking lot. He figured if that happened, we would have to stay at the museum overnight, maybe even indefinitely!

The exhibit “Darwin: 150 Years of Evolutionary Thinking” was very well done. There was information on Dana and Marsh as well, and it was very interesting to see the similarities between Darwin and Dana, who has been referred to as the American Darwin. Some of the correspondence between the two scientists was on display, as well as a map of the sea voyages each man went on as part of their path of scientific discovery.

The Hall of Dinosaurs and the Hall of Mammalian Evolution were amazing. Eric and I enjoyed seeing the wonder in Johann’s eyes and watching him soak it all in. We all kept thinking about the movie Night at the Museum while we were looking at the dinosaurs. Johann loved to see real examples of the animals he’s studied in his books.

Johann was also very excited to see everything in the “Fossil Fragments: The Riddle of Human Origins” exhibit. He recognized the discoveries that were written about and the specimens on display from the documentary shows he’s seen on the Leaky family’s work. He took time to draw sketches and make notes. The Age of Reptiles mural and the Age of Mammals mural were incredible. Since Eric was permitted to take pictures without a flash, we are going over the pictures of the fossils and can even read some of the information about them again.

The Yale Peabody Museum has a good interactive exhibit about energy conservation right now. We also enjoyed the smaller sections where the Hall of Pacific Cultures, Hall of Native American Cultures, and the scale model of Machu Picchu are. The Discovery Room has a leaf cutter ant colony, a black rat snake, and poison dart frogs. There were drawers full of fossils, rocks and minerals, and various preserved spiders and insects that each had a magnifying glass and a please touch policy. They had a variety of stuffed birds and preserved butterflies for kids to see. There were lots of books out for kids to read and a display comparing eggs from different birds. Johann particularly liked holding the cast of the T.rex tooth and the coprolite.

There was so much to see and learn in every room we went into, that even though we spent four hours there, we still feel like we missed some of it. Where some of the homeschooling families use their vacation time to go to the Creationist Museum, we prefer to revel in places like the Yale Peabody Museum. Now that we’ve gone, we might just have to make a weekly pilgrimage there!