I was updating a friend about what has happened over the past two weeks. I thought I was bearing good news. We got dealt a lousy hand, but we stuck together and persevered. She did recognize that by letting go of what we had planned to do, the opportunity Eric now has opened up for us, which is a much better deal. But then she commented on how Eric sure likes to live life on the edge. I was surprised. Another friend marveled at how we can experience difficult times and still be in the present moment. She complimented us on how good it is that we enjoy life and what a happy family we are. Another dear friend told me today that my patience paid off and now I am reaping my reward, things are getting better for us.
Admittedly, life would be far less stressful if we had more things planned ahead and we were better organized, which are the two top items of our New Year’s resolutions list. Different choices might have led us down another path where we could be experiencing a lesser shade of difficult circumstances. Who knows? Sometimes bad things happen to good people and you just have to keep plugging along. The truth about our lives lately is that a great deal of it has been beyond our control. Or maybe we are just realizing that is how it really is, like Prof. B. said, and we’ve given up trying to control it or hide behind philosophies in order to deal with it and the fear of uncertainty that it brings.
My mother blames Eric for everything, which makes him a pretty powerful man. I didn’t know he was in control of the entire world economy! If we’re going to go that far, then we could also blame it on the fact that I prayed for wisdom, patience, and peace about a decade ago.
I saw a picture of an old woman in a magazine. She was dressed in colorful, but worn, clothes. Her skin was tanned and wrinkled from age and the sun. Her hands showed many years of hard labor. But there was a special glow in her that made her beautiful. All her wrinkles were smile lines that led the eye to the sparkle in hers. Something deep inside me said, “That’s what I want. I want to see the world with that kind of sparkle in my eyes.” She looked wise and happy. Be careful what you wish for.
In my naivete, I didn’t realize that in order to be wise, you have to endure a lot of hardship. In order to be patient, you have to wait a painfully long time for things and be tested without losing hope. In order to have peace, you have to face your deepest fears, the worst parts of yourself, and surrender. Now I know better, I just ask for help. Except, Eric thinks that’s risky too. You never know. At any rate, since I intend to live to be over 100, I think I’m well on my way to looking like that old woman in the photograph.
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