The residuals of English classism can be seen everywhere. Quite often I feel like we are re-enacting something out of Pride and Prejudice. People are supposed to stay within the sphere in which they’ve been bought up. The haves are the masters and the have-nots are the servants and tenants.
A few years ago, I went into the local yarn shop to see my friend and mentioned we had been at Wal-mart to buy something. A look of horror filled her eyes, she shushed me, and whispered that I shouldn’t say that so loudly. She was trying to help me, to make sure that the other women didn’t hear and wouldn’t hold it against me. I was confused. What’s wrong with shopping at Wal-mart?
I refuse to lie about who I am and where I’ve been, but to a certain extent, I find myself playing this game while we live in Mystic. We found a homeschooling group we’d like to give a try, but I have to appear to be better off than we are, at least in the way I dress. In preparation for a play date, I put on my linen pants, a white designer T-shirt, and my roses china dangle earrings. I braided my hair. But I didn’t have the shoes I needed to complete the outfit.
Then I remembered one of the fashion quirks here is to wear flip-flops with everything. One of our old neighbors at Factory Square is a slave to fashion. She has at least 20 pairs of flip-flops and each one is an accessory for a specific outfit. I’ve seen women wearing fancy outfits with $2.00 flip-flops in a matching color. Personally, I don’t think that goes together, but going to Wal-mart for a cheap pair of flip-flops solved my problem.
What I find completely ironic is the looks I got while I was in Wal-mart. The reason I was there was to dress up for the play date to pass myself off as not being money poor. The other shoppers were staring at me with nasty faces. Many other times I’ve been there in my grubbies and I’ve heard people around me whisper about someone else who looked expensively dressed once she was out of earshot: “What is SHE doing here? She doesn’t need to be shopping in here. THOSE rich people have some nerve. They take advantage of everything. They have the money to go elsewhere and here they are shopping in a store that’s meant for us.”
I was having a conversation with one of the mothers in the homeschooling group. She was talking about the importance of owning a pet and asked if we had a dog. I said that we didn’t. Then she lowered her voice and said, “Oh, that’s right… (whispering) you rent.”
I’ve been told we are “too friendly”. As one friend put it, we are intense people and not everyone can handle that. If we are too friendly that is interpreted as being too forward or out to get something from the other person. You can’t just be a really nice person here without drawing suspicion.
We are military kids and Eric served in the Army. We are viewed as being unstable, because we grew up moving around a lot. The truth is that we have contributed to this community just as much if not more than the locals have. And we are looking for a place to put down roots. We also have benefited from traveling to different parts of the world and have a lot to offer.
Everything seems to be viewed as a service you go out and buy, even church. You don’t search for a spiritual home with people you feel comfortable with and can share and worship with. You go church shopping. Does the church have the right demographic you are looking for? Do they have better youth programs? What features do they have to offer? Only then do people attend to see if they like what the minister has to say. Church community doesn’t even come into the picture. It’s no wonder that in our search for a church community where you can feel God’s presence when you enter the building, we’ve come up empty.
We didn’t seem to have this many problems when we were out West. At least I can honestly say I’ve done everything possible short of selling my soul to try to fit in here and form a social network. What ever happened to the kids get along, the parents get along, let’s get together and have fun? I’m learning how to do small talk better, but I still feel like a fish out of water.
I worry what living in this atmosphere is teaching Johann. We’ve always told Johann to take people as they are and to judge someone by their character, not their color, creed, religion, or possessions. He greets everyone with a “Hello, Friend!” attitude. Eric and I are struggling not to become jaded. What we value isn’t always being reflected by the people around us and it’s confusing.
The best way I could think of to explain it to Johann was to use Little House on the Prairie as an example. We are like the Ingalls family. We believe in working hard, playing hard when it’s time to play, helping our neighbors, following the Golden Rule, and not prejudging someone based on superficial criteria. We are rich because we have the basic necessities of life and we have each other. We live in a place where there are a lot of Olesons. We need to do our best to get along with them while we are here without becoming like them. But, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking the sooner we move, the better.
